“The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.” Psalm 9:9
I remember a moment of complete brokenness that I experienced some years back. Reflecting on it now, I remember how it felt to come undone. I was 22 years old. In that moment, I realized I had lost the guy that I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. We had broken up a few days before but the reality that it was over did not set in until that phone call. The moment he ended the call– I was lost. I sobbed and yelled “No” repetitively. I think that is all I knew to do. I crumbled onto the living room couch.
I idolized planning back then. I had lists for my lists and mapped out every detail of my life. Then, in that moment, the plan was ruined. I loved that boy to my core. As frustrated as I had grown with the relationship, I was so dedicated to the life I believed we would have. My world felt like it had been ripped out from under me.
Moments after my breakdown began, my brother came downstairs and witnessed my devastation. He heard my wailing from his room upstairs. He said nothing; he just reached down to me, lifted me up onto his lap, and held me. Just held me. That moment, as dark as it was, will always be the best moment I have shared with my little brother. Reflecting on it now brings tears to my eyes. Not tears of sadness, I have completely healed and been restored of everything that I considered loss that day; thank you Jesus. They are tears of gratitude and humility for that special moment. He transitioned from little brother to protector and has maintained that role, in my mind, ever since.
I understand that this story sounds more like a diary entry than a scripture study. However, I decided to go this route today because of what God is doing in my life right now. I want to testify on His behalf. This story is a perfect real-life illustration of the unconditional love and faithfulness of God.
He is so faithful. I’ve walked away from Him, disrespected Him, and sinned against Him. Yet, He never leaves me broken. If I allow the world to get me there, I can call on Him and He heals me. It looks different each time, sometimes immediate and others a longer process. But, He always does. He holds me when I come undone. When I crumble in despair, just like Devin did, He reaches down, picks me up and holds me closely. He whispers truth in my ear, “I love you child. Get up child, you are a victor. I’ve got you beloved.”
He is holding me now. I am in a much better place than I have been in the past. But right now, I am battling fear. Fear of an uncertain future, fear of being alone and fear of rejection. I am right in the middle of it. But friends, He is holding me. He is right here in the with me. Taking on every question, cry and confused prayer; whispering words of truth in my ear. I am not reporting on my deliverance from these things…yet. I am testifying to His presence in the now.
I love Jesus. Honestly, I consider myself a pretty tolerant person but I would have given up on me a long time ago. He doesn’t though, isn’t it amazing? He loves me, He holds me. When I am together, He celebrates with me and guides me. When I am undone, He holds me and breathes life into my decaying heart. I imagine in the spiritual realm, it looks a lot like what my brother did for me that day.
So thank you Taz for being the big little brother that I needed. Thank you Father for loving me so.
“I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.” Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with his feathers, and under wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.” Psalm 91: 2
Morning Joy 