Tag: #blog

The burden of the busy

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14: 1

I am trying not to let my heart be troubled. I have been doing a lot of stuff to avoid being troubled, actually; keeping myself so busy to try to regain control and the state of balance (which I have decided is a figment of my imagination during this life season).

I feel like a hamster on his wheel. Running in place. Making gains, only to look up and see how much more there is to do.

In my last post, I referenced changes that were necessary for my family. Well, the decisions have been made and we are embracing the changes. These consist of me going back to work full-time and an impending move for my whole family.

I stopped working full-time a few months back for my own health. Mental and physical. I got to a rough place, and instead of tending to that, I kept powering through. This affected my education (I am currently attaining a MSW), my marriage and my social connections as well as my own health. I have healed a lot in the last couple of months, but since realizing I had to go back full-time, I have had this little nagging thought, “What if it happens again? What if I am not ready?” This particular job that I will be doing, though I am SO thankful for the opportunity, comes with an additional time sacrifice from my son that I have not yet had to make to this extent since he has been born. I know how fortunate I am to be able to say that, but I am still nervous about how it will impact us both (that #momlife). Then of course, the aforementioned move. I think most of you know all the fear that goes into that.

So, to prepare for the coming changes, I have set out to do everything. Literally. Prepare, prepare, prepare. I have completely idolized the busy. Reflecting this morning, I see it. It is like I reverted right back to that state of busy that made this last year so difficult on me and my family. I have traded peace for the possibility of control. Knowing, the concept of having control is impossible, considering I lack to power to do so. Why? What is peace worth?

It is priceless.

Peace is certainly worth more than fake control. What am I doing? Conviction is raining heavy this morning, friends.

I kept reading John chapter 14, where Jesus is comforting his disciples. You can find this conversation in John 14:1-14. I noticed after reading, I noted these two things in my journal: John 14:1: “Trust me.” John 14:6: “I am the way.”

Jesus is telling me this morning, “Trust me because I am the way.”

The way to a fulfilling marriage. The way to a healthy home. The way to close communion. The way to peace.

I cannot attain these things with the busy. I cannot infuse peace in my own life. I can only seek it out from the source. That is not the busy, friends. It is Jesus.

Lord, thank you for this word of comfort and help remind me every moment of every day that this is the goodness you offer in accepting you. I can trust you because you are the way. You are I AM.

Faithful

Good morning, friends. Today, I am sharing a short sentiment with you instead of unpacking the Word of God. It isn’t necessarily what I aim to do here; but I imagine you guys have days and seasons just like this one that I am in. So, this statement I shared with my husband, Josh, yesterday may benefit you as well and I want to share it just in case. Friend to friend, like we are chatting over coffee (which I would love to do, by the way).

We are in a season of change. We know one is coming. One is necessary, actually. But we don’t know what it will be. From my point of reference today, most of our options kind of look like they will suck. Some worse than others; but a lot of unknowns either way. Have you been there?

What. A. Year. I know, Covid, right? Honestly though, that is only the half of it. This year has brought on battle after battle for Josh and me. We felt like we finally got our head above water, then just realized we were drowning in other areas that we weren’t really giving our attention to.

This particular moment in time is a little different, though. These last couple of months I have been intentionally re-connecting with Jesus. I wish that meant days like this didn’t happen. But, it doesn’t. It does mean I can walk it with peace.

I saw a meme the other day that said something along the lines of, “God parted the Red Sea, he didn’t remove it. He may not take away a tough situation but he will see us through it.” I love that imagery.

So, that brings me to what I shared with Josh. I texted him the following:

“God has only been faithful to us. He has never left us desolate and has brought us goodness in every challenge we’ve faced since we have been together. This time will be no different because it is who he is; and we are his.”

This is truth, friends. I have shared some before, and I imagine I will share more at some point; but since Josh and I got together we have basically walked through one storm after another. I mean, the entire time we have been together. But, God. I can look back and really see the hand of God all over our journey. I do not understand many of the ‘whys’, but I still see goodness that he has brought. That deep goodness; the kind that rests in your bones.

Now, do I feel this statement at this time? It literally depends on what minute of the day you ask me. I am kind of all over the place with it. But, when I place aside what I feel and focus on what I know, it is that. I don’t understand all the ways of God, and I certainly would not orchestrate things like he often does. But that is what is so incredible about him; he always does it for good. Real goodness; not good for the moment. There is a difference.

Friends, I love you. I don’t know many of you first hand. But I do truly appreciate you for sharing this with me, I pray for you and I do feel connected to you through our spiritual kinship. Thank you.

God has only been faithful to us.