“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” John 14: 1
I am trying not to let my heart be troubled. I have been doing a lot of stuff to avoid being troubled, actually; keeping myself so busy to try to regain control and the state of balance (which I have decided is a figment of my imagination during this life season).
I feel like a hamster on his wheel. Running in place. Making gains, only to look up and see how much more there is to do.
In my last post, I referenced changes that were necessary for my family. Well, the decisions have been made and we are embracing the changes. These consist of me going back to work full-time and an impending move for my whole family.
I stopped working full-time a few months back for my own health. Mental and physical. I got to a rough place, and instead of tending to that, I kept powering through. This affected my education (I am currently attaining a MSW), my marriage and my social connections as well as my own health. I have healed a lot in the last couple of months, but since realizing I had to go back full-time, I have had this little nagging thought, “What if it happens again? What if I am not ready?” This particular job that I will be doing, though I am SO thankful for the opportunity, comes with an additional time sacrifice from my son that I have not yet had to make to this extent since he has been born. I know how fortunate I am to be able to say that, but I am still nervous about how it will impact us both (that #momlife). Then of course, the aforementioned move. I think most of you know all the fear that goes into that.
So, to prepare for the coming changes, I have set out to do everything. Literally. Prepare, prepare, prepare. I have completely idolized the busy. Reflecting this morning, I see it. It is like I reverted right back to that state of busy that made this last year so difficult on me and my family. I have traded peace for the possibility of control. Knowing, the concept of having control is impossible, considering I lack to power to do so. Why? What is peace worth?
It is priceless.
Peace is certainly worth more than fake control. What am I doing? Conviction is raining heavy this morning, friends.
I kept reading John chapter 14, where Jesus is comforting his disciples. You can find this conversation in John 14:1-14. I noticed after reading, I noted these two things in my journal: John 14:1: “Trust me.” John 14:6: “I am the way.”
Jesus is telling me this morning, “Trust me because I am the way.”
The way to a fulfilling marriage. The way to a healthy home. The way to close communion. The way to peace.
I cannot attain these things with the busy. I cannot infuse peace in my own life. I can only seek it out from the source. That is not the busy, friends. It is Jesus.
Lord, thank you for this word of comfort and help remind me every moment of every day that this is the goodness you offer in accepting you. I can trust you because you are the way. You are I AM.
Morning Joy 