Month: June 2019

A Heart that Seeks Approval

I was reading Psalms this morning and came across this verse in chapter 19:

“May the words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14

David desired for his words and heart to be pleasing in God’s sight. He is seeking God’s approval. Do I seek God’s approval? I felt like the fact that I genuinely asked the question without and immediate example of how I do so in my mind answered the question for me. So, then I ask, why don’t I consciously seek God’s approval?

Telling our friends and family members that Josh and I were expecting a baby was a difficult process for me. We weren’t married, we had only been dating a few months at the time and I had just moved about four hours away from my friends and family. Obviously, it was not the situation we desired when we thought about bringing our first child into the world. Naturally, approval was not the first reaction of many loved ones. After a short time, everyone saw this blessing for what it was and we could not be happier now that we have this bright eyed, red head enriching our days. But that ‘short time’ felt like a long time for me. So, part of my process was working to not desire people’s approval. I think during that active working, I lumped God’s approval in with everyone else’s. Yikes.

David is a man after God’s own heart (see 1 Samuel 13:13-14). I did a little research as to what that means. I found an interesting and informative Q&A on neverthirsty.org. The author explained the chain of events leading up to and shortly following Samuels statement that I just referenced. Saul, the king at the time, acknowledged God and even served Him during his life; but Saul got to a place that his first priority was to serve himself. He became deceitful and lusted for control. Samuel pointed this out in Saul and explained that for that reason, his reign would end and God would raise a new king after His own heart. Enter David.

Now, it is no secret to us that David had a few issues of his own. He was guilty of deceit, lust and even murder. So, why was David different? The mediation of his heart. Mediation means an intervention in a dispute in order to solve it. [Like a court mediator.] Our hearts are flesh created by God. They desire fleshly things, but are made whole in alignment with their Creator. Though death and life both tug at our heart, as they tugged at David’s, the mediator is the love and grace of God, which brings the mediation of our desire for Him. David longed to know and love God. He sought His approval.

That is my desire today. I want to want God’s approval again. He is not man, He’s God. His standards are just. Psalm 19:7-9 lists why God’s favor is drastically different than man’s. The peace associated with pleasing God is invaluable.

Lord, redirect my heart to desire your approval and favor.

Welcome Back

I have been reading a few Psalms this morning. Specifically Psalms 13 through 18. I love how David talks with God. Sometimes he sounds like he is talking with a friend while others he has a reverence in his speech like he is talking to a father or a close leader. Sometimes he is giving thanks to God for his goodness and protection while other times he shares his frustration with feeling distant from Him. He sings praise to God in some prayers and he advocates for himself in others.

The overall theme I am seeing in these verses is reliance. David really relied on God; for comfort, for protection, for vindication, for companionship, for validation, for counsel.

Here are a few verses from these six chapters that highlight his reliance. If you are running short on time this morning – as most of us probably are since it is Friday- read through these verses. I encourage you to take some time later to read through the full chapters, at least a couple so you can see the different ways he talks with and approaches God.

Psalm 13:5-6 “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for he has been good to me.”

Psalm 16:1″Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge.”

Psalm 17:2 “Let my vindication come from you; may your eyes see what is right.”

Psalm 18: 1-3 “I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I called to the Lord, who is worthy of praise,
and I have been saved from my enemies.”

God is so good. His love does not cease, even when our communication or desire for His companionship does. Since my last post, I have moved to another city (three actually), had a son, worked in child safety (that is its own beast), stopped working completely to stay home with my child, started school and got engaged to marry my best friend (who partnered with me through all of this). I will most likely draw on the last two years in future posts, which will call for me to elaborate on each life change. To summarize today, this has been the most difficult and most wonderful growth stretch of my life. My communication with God and my own perception of reliance on Him has bobbed and weaved along the way. I say my own perception because realistically, I rely on Him to get up every morning because He brings life, but sometimes my perception is that I am self-reliant or reliant on other people.

Since 2019 kicked off, I have been refocusing on communicating more with my Heavenly Father. It is hard. I don’t know why, but it is. I think I carry a few burdens with me that I am trying to lay down. I also think I can just be lazy. But I want to testify that God is meeting me where I am. He is being faithful to me, and reminding me of His love and existence. I still feel distant, but the familiarity is there. So, I am going to keep working. I think I am going to camp out in Psalms for a while and let David teach me a few things about relying on God.

Welcome back, friends. It has been so long, posting this entry today feels really awkward. It is also good for my soul. Thank you for reading.